there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
