I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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