she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
