we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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