12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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