Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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