if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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