I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
