i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
