Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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