goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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