you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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