well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
