his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
