The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
