I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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