her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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