I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
