His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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