Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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