Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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