There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
