The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
