yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
