my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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