Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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