actually, I'm a sock model
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
