I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
