this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
