I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
