The maid of honor just puked.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
