i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
