things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
