sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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