okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
