why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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