Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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