I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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