How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
