so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
