But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
