Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
