just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
