ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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