Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
