I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
