my vag is so smooth its legendary
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I could fuck to npr.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize