the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
