this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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