Someone shit on the floor
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
