This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize