Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i think my cat just said my name.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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