Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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