Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize