Christians are straight up FREAKS
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
