I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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