there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
