Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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