never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize