Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize