Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think my fart just growled at me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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