Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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