It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
