weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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