In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
