My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
