Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My vagina is officially offended.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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