You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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