I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
