there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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