True but thats because hes a fetus.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
