Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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