one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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